Horoscope, Zodiac And Astrology Books For 2020
Single & Alone - How's That Working Out for You?
By Susan Leigh
Would you agree that there are few places lonelier than being in a loveless relationship? Spending time with someone who's clearly bored, disinterested, perhaps even angry at your mere presence slowly destroys your confidence, self-esteem and faith in yourself. You may even question your ability to sustain future relationships.
Then there are those who've had long, successful relationships which perhaps ended naturally through health issues or unexpectedly out of the blue, so leaving them lost, desolate and grief-stricken. They're faced with doubts as to how they'll heal, recover and start anew. Being single and alone never really featured as an option for them.
Some people are on a constant mission to find partners for their single friends, seeming to feel that they've something missing from their lives. They want everyone comfortably settled in happy relationships so that they're not alone at social events or holiday times. But are their own relationships so fantastic or are they always compromising and rarely doing what they'd like to do?
Let's look at being single and alone and ask how that's working out for you.
Being single and alone doesn't automatically equate to being lonely, but equally let's reflect on the dangers of being on your own for too long.
- Have previous relationship(s) left you feeling alone and somehow lacking or unsure as to what to say or do? Are you fearful that being alone means 'everyone' will look at you in a negative way? If that's the case you may find yourself feeling apprehensive at the prospect of even walking into a room by yourself, filled with self-doubt, low in confidence and constantly reinforcing a negative mindset.
- Maybe you're becoming increasingly insular, self-protective and defensive. Being vulnerable, exposing too much of yourself can feel counter-intuitive. Whilst the need to take care of ourselves is understandable we should also appreciate that forming relationships means being open and receptive to others. It's an important part of life and a valuable skill when we're wanting to have any kind of successful, interactive relationship with others.
- Some newly single people prefer not to live alone at first. A house share can be a good stepping-stone as it's a means of having both private space as well as knowing there's some company nearby. It can be a less expensive option and not as binding as buying or renting, giving breathing space in which to consider which next steps are best to take.
- Being on our own can become a habit. How often do we hear someone say they're too set in their ways to change or commit to a new relationship! But if they met someone and were really attracted I doubt they'd think twice about adapting their routine or habit patterns. They'd be prepared to have a go, try something new, enjoy the excitement and look forward to being more flexible in their outlook.
- A comfort zone tends to become smaller the longer we spend in it. Over time doing what we've always done becomes easier, whilst making changes or effort can become less and less appealing. Staying there for too long can ultimately become boring and unsatisfying. But eventually, it becomes second-nature to settle into an, 'I'm too old to change', 'I've had my life' mindset, even though some adjustments and a little effort could reinvigorate the present and the future for you.
- Are childcare responsibilities a deterrent to you finding a new partner? Making the time to go online or go out and negotiate the dynamics of a new relationship can seem like an unnecessary hassle, but small steps can make a difference to easing yourself back into a new social scene. Could you alternate childcare with another single parent; you have their kids one afternoon, evening or maybe an occasional sleepover and they then return the favour. Doing that might free you both up for a few hours and give time to go shopping, have a leisurely lunch or an evening out.
- Booking a different hairdresser to style your hair can introduce a whole new look and reinvigorate your confidence levels. Making a few modifications to your wardrobe can put a spring in your step and inspire you to get out and about, to make new friends. Even if you're happy being single, are not looking for romance and a new partner, a few simple steps can add some zest into life so you feel even more positive about being single and alone.
- What to talk about can be a serious issue if we've been single and alone for a while. Casual chat doesn't come easily to everyone, especially if recent interactions have tended to be more formal, work-related and purpose-driven. But we can make an effort to remedy that by keeping up-to-date with local news, popular TV, interesting shows and events, so ensuring that we're equipped to join conversations about topics of interest.
Being single and alone can be fine and is certainly better than settling for a wrong or second-best relationship. But also remember the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to life and ensuring your relationship choices are positive for you.
Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.
She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.
Happy Birthday To All Those Born In April
This Ain't Love at All
By Dr. Jeff Davis
These 3 words can mean so much to many people. They can make the heart flutter and cause a person to smile without know it. The 3 words that can change a life is "I love you".
Men and women say this to each other often when in a relationship. They help us to recall times when we felt love and knew we were loved. Those special moments like being propose to or hearing them for the first time from someone you really care about. Nothing else can really compare to that.
Yet sadly what so many experiences are not really love at all. It is some that is here today and gone tomorrow. Words spoken in a time of passion to get what one wants but leaves when the morning comes. One person may feel like this love is real while the other person only wants what saying I love you will give them right now.
Love is more than words. It is more than a feeling. When we say these words to anyone, they must mean more than just simple lip service. I love you means:
1) I accept you as you are- There are not a bunch of rules and regulations one must stick to in order to earn your love. It means you are free to be yourself with all your faults and shortcomings. No need to act or pretend to be something you are not when you are loved.
2) I accept you because you are- There are not many relationships we have in life where we experience unconditional acceptance. Most people have expectations of us and when we fail to live up to those expectations, they have no problem dismissing us. When we say I love you it should mean we are loved just as we are, not because we must change.
3) I accept you no matter what- contrary to what some believe we all make mistakes. Romans 3:10 says "there are no righteous people, no not one". Each one of us will make mistakes, disappoint loved ones and have things to apologize for. When you are loved people do not use your mistakes as the only factor in determining how to love you. Love covers sin. It does not cover it up, but it does cover sin.
Love is great. It is not something that should be taken lightly. Instead it should be cherished and shared with others as often as we can.
Man-to-Man: Advice Column
by Wayne M. Levine
He needs help with his abusive wife
I don’t know if you have ever dealt with anything like this. When my wife gets angry, or she does not get her way, she gets really mean. Sometimes I will sleep in the spare bedroom because there is so much tension between us. The other night she did something that she has done in the past. In the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, she came into my room and poured a glass of cold water on my face. She then went into another tirade. How do I get her to stop this?
Wet and Frustrated
Wow, that ain’t cool. In fact, that is terribly abusive behavior and it’s got to stop. The question is: if you were the man you wanted to be, how would you go about preventing this from happening in the future?
That’s the dilemma many men find themselves in. If any man did that to you, you’d probably jump up and (once you wiped the water from your eyes) clock the bastard. But wait, if you hit your wife, now YOU have become the perpetrator. Hmmm, seems like you’re stuck. If she won’t listen to reason, you’re forced to either retaliate or somehow live with it. There’s got to be a better way. Well, there is a more effective approach.
Call the cops. “Call the cops on my wife!?” Yes, on your wife.Men are extremely reluctant to report an abusive spouse. Much has been written about the shame men feel from being the victims of domestic violence. That’s why incidents are so rarely reported, according to some studies.
But if your wife is resistant to reasonable discussion, what choice do you have? If you allow her to continue with this and other equally abusive and intolerable acts, you may likely get to the point of no return, where you actually do strike back.Although it may sound like an extreme measure, it may be your smartest move. Police officers are trained to deal with domestic violence. They’ll know how to calm everyone down and they’ll be able to lay out the reality to both of you. You want your wife to get a clear message and it sounds as if you could use some reinforcements. Better to call in the troops before YOU become the one they haul away. Remember, these types of situations can escalate very quickly. And the results are often tragic.
Now, back to you being the man you want to be. I suspect this abusive relationship you call a marriage didn’t always look like it does today. Your wife is clearly unhappy, frustrated, and lacking a healthy sense of boundaries. But barring any mental illness (and I’m referring to both of you,) you may still be able to get your marriage back on track.
The only reason a woman acts out as she did, is because she knows she can get away with it. She knows her husband is weak and afraid. She clearly has no respect for you. It’s vital for you to discover why that is, and whether you’re willing to commit to being a better man, husband, and perhaps father.
Seek out some counsel and start figuring out what you want your life, your marriage and you as a man to look like. You certainly have a challenge ahead of you. But these situations sometimes offer opportunities to finally deal with important and unresolved underlying issues. Once you begin this process, you may be surprised where it leads. And wherever that is, it’ll be a place that’s a helluva lot better…and drier than you’re in today. Good luck.
Wayne M. Levine, M.A., mentors men to be better men, husbands and fathers. Email your questions to MantoMan@BetterMen.org. See how you can become a better man at www.BetterMen.org.
Smart Dating Tips for Men Looking for Women Online
By Jass P Chawla
No matter how you do it, online dating is hard. Technology and culture have changed over the years and the dating skills that men looking for women online needed have changed drastically. Nowadays, more and more people are meeting through online dating platforms and the rules are being rewritten. Whether it is men looking for women online or vice-versa, dating platforms are transforming gender roles and promoting gender diversity.
Choose the right platform
There are literally thousands of online dating websites and applications available for singles. But it is very important to figure out which dating platform works the best for you. Connectingsingles.com is the trendiest 100% free online dating site that is genuine. With great quality results, this dating site eases the whole men looking for women online dating experience and helps many single people find other single people online. Quality plus affordability are the two major factors that make people choose Connectingsingles.com over other online dating sites.
Creating a profile is an important part of online dating. It is basically your resume to the online dating world and not something that you should pay no heed to. Your dating profile should showcase the kind of person you are. Your bio should have a list of things that you like so that the person visiting your profile can have a clear understanding of your personality. Having enough pictures on your profile is important and make sure you look happy in each one of them. Have a couple of photos with friends but the majority of them should showcase you at interesting places to make sure you attract a certain type of person.
Be honest with your profile by uploading recent pictures and an honest description of yourself. Make sure your profile is flattering, detailed, and eye-catching. Make sure that all the information about yourself that you give out is true. This way people can know exactly what to expect when they meet you so that you can connect with people who are genuinely interested in your personality.
Respect the personal space
Women set certain boundaries to keep themselves safe in the world of online dating. Men looking for women online should respect these boundaries and ask for consent every time you cross it. These boundaries are a game-changer when it comes to success in online dating and can help you spot red-flags and walk away from a potential heartbreak down the road. If a woman has set some boundaries that don't mean that she's high-maintenance. It simply shows what she will and won't put up with while interacting online.
Stop blabbering and ask questions
This is pretty basic but needs to be said. You need to ask questions to keep the conversation going. Most men get ghosted by women in online dating because they wouldn't shut up about themselves. Start a general conversation and go from there. Don't blabber too much about yourself and ask about her. After talking about yourself for a minimal time, throw the ball in her court with something as simple as "How about yourself?"
Don't play with someone's emotions. Nobody wins. If you are not interested in someone, be mature enough to let them know. Stop ghosting them or avoiding them every time they text you. If you are interested in someone, don't play hard to get or be unavailable. Be kind, understanding, and most importantly, be yourself.
if you are a single men and looking for women online Visit Connecting singles
Do You Feel Stuck?
By Oliver JR Cooper
Perhaps, after not being in a good way for a little while or quite some time, you ended up reaching out for external support. Yet, although your intention was to change your life, you may find that this hasn't really taken place.
You may have read a number of books and even had a few counselling/therapy sessions. It could go even further, though, if you have been on a number of different personal development courses.
Full of Insight
Thanks to what you have done, then, you could have a lot of insight into why your life is the way that it is. Unfortunately, however, what you know won't have enabled you to move forward.
Additionally, you may have also learnt a fair amount of different techniques. At this point, you might wonder how you could have such a deep understanding and have put so much effort into this area of your life, only to be in roughly the same position.
What I have said above might not be completely true for you, as you could be in an even worse position then you were to begin with. Along with how you felt at the beginning, you could now experience a fair amount of frustration and anger.
You might even think about whether or not your life will ever get better, having moments when you feel like a powerless victim. If this is so, coming to terms with how you feel might be hard; that's if you have read a lot about the importance of being positive and know that having a victim mentality won't serve you.
How It Is
Undoubtedly, having a victim mentality won't help you to change your life but if there are times when you do feel like one, there is no need for you to lay into yourself for it. Bearing in mind what you have gone through, it could be said that this is a perfectly normal response.
You can just acknowledge how you feel, without needing to label in any way. Remember, what you resist is what is likely to persist, and the last thing you will want is for what you are going through to continue.
If you are going through what I have said above (or something similar), I'm here to say that I have a fairly good idea about you are going through. When I first got on 'the path' in 2003, I was not in a good way.
I needed to find a way to change my life and this caused me to look for answers. What I didn't know at the time was that it would take me over sixteen years of reading different books, trying many different approaches, taking different courses, working with numerous therapists and healers, until I would start to really settle down and to feel comfortable in my own skin.
How Can I Serve You?
With that in mind, I want to say that maybe I can provide you with that assistance that you need at this stage of your journey. One of the ways that I can do this is through the personalized consultations that I offer via Skype, Zoom, or in-person if you live close by.
If you would like to know more, please go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/consultations. It would be an honor to assist you on your journey.
Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.