Horoscope, Zodiac And Astrology Books For 2019

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Relationships: Why Would Someone Try To Make Their Ex Look Bad?

By Oliver JR Cooper 

Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own way. This will then be a clean break, meaning that both of them will be happy to move on with their life.

What this could illustrate is that they gradually grew apart, with there being nothing to keep them together. Ending the relationship in this way will have meant that neither of them had to get to the point where they hated the other before something was done.

Conscious Uncoupling

This would have stopped them from having to experience too much pain and drama. But, if both of them didn't have the level self-awareness that they have, it might have been a different story.

Without this, their relationship may have had to get really bad before anything was actually done about it. There is then the chance that the relationship would have lasted longer, yet it would have gone down a very different route.

Another Experience

Conversely, one of them may have got to the point where they could see that it was no longer working. After being with them for a little while, perhaps it became clear that they were on very different paths.

Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was going on for them and their partner may have accepted it. This would have stopped too much ill feeling from building up and allowed them to part ways in a more gentle fashion.

A Common Outcome

If this is what took place, it could be said that this is something that is far more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to be equally attracted to each other.

As a result of this, one person can lose interest and the other can still be strongly attracted to them. A breakup can then be relatively pain free for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.

One Focus

Regardless of how the relationship ended, both of them could have no interest in painting their ex in negative light. This doesn't mean that either of them won't feel angry or hurt, but this won't give them the desire to make the other person look bad.

So, if one of them is not in a good way, they will do what they need to do to work through their pain. Laying into the other person would take away the energy that they need to heal themselves.

Another Focus

If the other is not in a lot of pain, it doesn't mean that they won't have anything to work through. Still, most of their energy could be directed towards other areas of their life, with them being only too aware of how wasteful it would be for them to spend their time criticizing their ex.

This doesn't mean that they won't talk about what took place with a close friend, for instance, but it won't be a time when they will try to make their ex look back. Getting this out can allow them to process what took place and to gradually integrate the experience.

A Different Scenario

This is not always going to be what takes place, though, as it is not always going to be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them can end up doing everything that they can to make the other person look bad.

What can be strange about this is that the person who is trying to make their ex look bad could be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there were problems on both sides, it will appear as though one person was bad and the other was completely innocent.

What's going on?

It can then seem as though someone like this doesn't care about their ex; the only thing that they care about is making themselves look good. If this involves destroying their ex's image, then so be it.

However, although it can seem as though this is what it is really about, there is likely to be more to it. The reason that someone would try to do this can be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.

Avoidance

After their ex left them, they may have ended up coming into contact with a lot of shame and what happened after this will be a way for them to keep this shame at bay. Lowering their ex's value is then a way for them to try to stop themselves from feeling totally worthless.

What this shows it that they are out of touch with their inherent value; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. Taking this into account, it is clear to see why they would behave in this way.

Self-Protection

Deep down, they would have most likely feared that if they didn't do this to their ex, their ex would slander them. It was then a case of making them look bad, or have their ex reveal how flawed they are to the world.

It is unlikely that one would have just felt worthless if this took place; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated their whole being, with them feeling as though they were less-than human.

Awareness

The ideal would be for someone like this to reach out for external support, so that they could work through the pain that is within them. Perhaps they were brought up in a very abusive environment.

This type of support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When someone behaves in this way they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent them from being able to own their pain and then to reach out for support.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -

Happy Birthday To All Those Born In April


Relationships: Is It Possible To End Up With The Wrong Person?

By Oliver JR Cooper 

Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that it is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn't do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.

Due to the amount of time that one has been with this person for, they may have become strongly attached to them. If they are not a good match this is going to be bad enough, but if the other person is abusive, it is going to be even worse.

A Mismatch

There would have most likely been the type of person who they had in mind before they got into the relationship and then, there would have been the type of person who they actually ended up with once they did. If they were to compare the idea that they had in their head with the person they are with, it could similar to the difference between night and day.

Due to how different this person is, one could wonder how they have ended up in this position. It could be as if they have ordered one meal but ended up being given another meal entirely.

A One-Off

If this is the first time that this has taken place, it might be easier for them to handle. One could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and that their luck will soon change.

So, once they cut their ties with this person, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to find someone who is right for them. It might not be easy for them to end the relationship but it will be something that they need to do.

A Pattern

Then again, there is the chance that this is not the first time that this has taken place. In fact, this could be a scenario that has played out for as long as they can remember.

They will have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Consequently, one could see themselves as being unlucky or they could believe that someone or something is holding them back.

No Effect

Bearing in mind that there will be what one wants and then there will be what they get, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel as though they have no control over this area of their life. When it comes to other areas of their life, it could be a very different story.

For example, one could have a very successful career and they may have a number of close friends. If one was able to detach from what is going on in this area of their life and to think about why this area of their life might this way, it may give them the opportunity to change their life.

A Deeper Look

Through being curious about why their life is the way it is and looking for answers, they may come to see that there are at least two parts to their being. One part is called their conscious mind and another part is called their unconscious mind.

The first part will have a have small impact on their life, while the second part will have a big impact on their life. What may then occur to them is that, for so long, they were not even aware that this part of them existed, let alone aware of what was taking place in this part of them.

Turning the Lights On

By becoming aware of what is taking place in this part of their being, they might gradually come to see why they are drawn to certain people. These people might only tick a few of the boxes that they have in their conscious mind, but they will most likely tick off all the boxes that are in their unconscious mind.

In a way, their conscious mind will be like one person and their unconscious mind will be like another. But even though there are two people, one of these people will have far more control than the other.

The Primary Need

This other person is not going to be interested in being with someone who will make them happy or who will respect them, for instance; what this person really wants it to replay what took place many, many years ago. In other words, their unconscious mind will want one to be with someone who will allow them to re-experience what took place during their early years.

This is not because this part of their being wants to see them suffer; it is because this part of them wants them to heal their wounds and to become whole. By coming into contact with someone who is also wounded in a similar way, it will bring up to the surface the parts of them that they have lost touch with, and thereby allow them to work through their pain.

Self-Knowledge

Without this understanding in place, it is will be perfectly normal for one to see other people as the problem. History will be repeating itself but one's conscious mind will be completely unaware of what is going on.

Instead of being able to see that is going on and to heal their inner wounds, they will just react to what is taking place. More pain will then be added to their existing pain, as opposed to working through the pain that they have been carrying for so long.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to work through their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper




Are You Riding a Dead Horse?

By Linda Thurwanger

To never give up, is not always the best option in romantic relationships. When we wait with the mindset of love and patience, for someone to make a commitment to us, it is wise to keep our eyes and ears open, and pay attention to our innate wisdom.

I would never advise anyone to rush into a relationship. I have rushed into relationships enough times in my own life, to know the error of that way. We each have our own inner sense of when it is time for a relationship to move to the next level. If that is not happening, in your relationship, and you want something more, it is up to you to initiate the conversation.

If you have already discussed your desire for a greater commitment, and nothing has changed, you might be riding a dead horse.

A reluctant mate who was hurt in a previous relationship, may have genuine concerns about being hurt again. Your understanding and patience will help put their fears at rest. However, if a reasonable amount of time has passed, and your partner is making no effort to put the past behind, and move forward with you, the time may have come for you to set yourself free.

You may be riding a dead horse, if your partner does not make you his or her priority and makes just enough effort to keep you attached. If you are spending your weekends alone, it could be a red flag. Some people are so fearful of how a commitment will change their life, that they are frozen in time. Or they might be waiting for something better to come along... you will do for now. As long as they are having fun and there is peace in the relationship, they are content to let it continue just as it is. Beware of people who paint a rosy picture of how they will have more time for your relationship in the future. When and if the "future" arrives, that person may be nowhere to be found.

In the song, "It's in His Kiss", Aretha Franklin, Cher, and others, proclaimed his kiss is the way you could tell if a man loved you or not. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. The best way to know, is by listening to your own inner wisdom.

The voice that tells you that you are going to be all alone if you walk away from an unsatisfying relationship, or tells you that no one else will want you, is lying to you. That is not the voice of wisdom that is the voice of fear.

Listen to the voice that tells you that you will be okay no matter what. Listen to the voice that tells you to take yourself off the bargain rack and stop settling for a relationship that does not bring you peace and contentment.

If the horse (relationship) you are riding, is dead... you know what to do.

Linda's mission is to help you silence the inner critic so you can see possibilities instead of roadblocks. Create better relationships and home and work and experience life the way you want it.

Phone: (678) 453-6480 Email: linda@lindathurwanger.com
Website: http://www.lindathurwanger.com




Man-to-Man: Advice Column

by Wayne M. Levine

It All Depends on How You Define It?

When men come to be coached, or to join one of our men’s groups, they usually want to know how long it will take. I ask them, “What do you mean by it?” Then there’s usually silence.

This “it” is a tough thing to define. For most men, the it is about getting unstuck from some suffocating set of circumstances, real or imagined. But how does one get unstuck? How long will it take to get unstuck? Well, that’s what the it is all about. The more important question to ask is: When will I begin to clearly define my goals, to create the vision of the man I want to be, and to start being that man in all areas of my life? We live and breathe in a media-saturated culture that celebrates instant gratification, amazingly fast results, and extreme makeovers between the commercial breaks. That’s TV. That’s not life. Important changes take commitment and hard work. And the sooner we men learn that lesson, the sooner we grow up. The sooner we grow up, the sooner we can make changes in our own lives and the sooner we can teach those lessons to our kids. But first, we have to overcome the fear of acknowledging and addressing it. 

One of the reasons why it can be so terrifying is because we men don’t realize that, more often than not, we have it in common with most other men. We don’t realize that fact because men generally won’t discuss it with other men. So, we keep it a secret, tell ourselves more lies about what’s wrong with us—or with them—and become increasingly more isolated. Stuck. That’s what we’ve been taught. That’s how men have been socialized to behave. But that’s not the way it has to be.

The BetterMen approach teaches men to build strong and trusting relationships with other men. We teach each other. We support each other to make changes in our lives. We make commitments and we hold each other accountable. That’s how we get unstuck. That’s how we make progress toward achieving our goals. And that’s how you can become the best man you can be in all areas of your life.

As for how long this process takes, well, that’s entirely up to you. Most men have been creating the walls, tightening the masks, and believing the lies for a very long time. It takes some time to sort things out and to develop a plan. It takes commitment and hard work to implement the plan, and to begin trusting yourself and trusting other men. But once you start, the changes start to happen. Once you make the commitment to be that better man, you actually start to become that better man. And that’s the beginning of the extreme makeover that really counts.

That’s all there is to it.

Wayne M. Levine, M.A., mentors men to be better men, husbands and fathers. Email your questions to MantoMan@BetterMen.org. See how you can become a better man at www.BetterMen.org. 

©2013 BetterMen®




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