Horoscope, Zodiac And Astrology Books For 2018


Relationships: Can Someone End Up With The Wrong Person If They Feel Low?

By Oliver JR Cooper

If one was to find themselves in a position where they feel down, they could feel the need to get in a relationship. They could believe that being with someone else will make their life better, thereby allowing them to feel good about.

A Pattern

There is the chance that one is used to feeling this way, or this might only be how they feel from time to time. If this is a familiar experience, they may have taken this approach in the past.

Therefore, they could believe that this is the only way for them to feel better, meaning that there is going to be no alternative. If they were to look back on who they have ended up with when they feel this way, they may see that it hasn't always gone to plan.

Momentary Relief

One may find that they have been with people who seemed like a good match in the beginning, but as time went by, it soon become clear that this wasn't the case. But as their needs would have changed as time went by, it could be said that this is to be expected.

At first, they would have simply wanted someone to take their pain away; this is then the same as how one can eat junk when they are starving and not care about how healthy it is. Yet, as they started to feel better, they would have no longer needed the same nutrients, so to speak.

An Analogy

If one was in the middle of nowhere in their shorts and t-shirt, and it was extremely cold, they would probably be happy to wear just about anything they are given. Their priority will be to keep warm, not to look good.

Now, if the same person was to find themselves somewhere that is warm and populated, their outlook could soon change. Firstly, they won't need to keep warm and, secondly, they might have the need to look smart.

One Step Back

In the same way, what one needs when they first met someone is not necessarily going to be what they need after they have been with them for a little while. At this point, they could have come into contact with a number of different needs.

Their emotional state would have improved considerably, so they might have thought about if this person was truly a good match for them. It could have become clear that they didn't have a lot in common, or that their values were completely different.

A Close Shave

Nonetheless, as bad as it might have been for them to be with someone who they were not attracted to, at least they were not with someone who was abusive in any way. One could have focused on the fact that being with this person did them more good than harm.

Having said this, one might not be able to relate to this, or if they can, it might be the exception as opposed to the rule. They may have been with at least one person who treated them badly.

A Living Nightmare

One would then have met someone who they thought would make their life better, only to find out that they would actually make it even worse. It wouldn't have seemed this way in the beginning, though, as this person would have come across in a different manner.

And even if the signs were that that this person wasn't right for them, it wouldn't have mattered. Their strongest need - which would have been to feel better - would have controlled their behavior.

An Inaccurate Outlook

If this is what one has been through in the past, they may have come to see themselves as a victim. As a result of this, there is not going to be anything that they can do to change their life.

How they behave is not going to have an effect on their life, so there will be no reason for them to change anything. The downside to having this outlook is that it is going to make it a lot harder for one to change their life.

A Closer Look

When one feels low, it can make it difficult for them to think clearly, and this is because their emotions will have taken over. So, along with their need to avoid how they feel, it is not exactly going to be easy for them to be discerning.

One is not going to worry about if someone is right for them; they will only be concerned about if someone can make them feel better. With this in mind, it wouldn't be accurate to say that one just happens to end up with the wrong people.


Without realizing it, their own behavior is playing a big part when it comes to the people who they end up with. While this might be hard for them to accept, doing so will allow them to change their life.

If one does have the tendency to feel low, they could look into what took place during their early years. This could be a time when they were abused and/or neglected, meaning that they would have experienced trauma.

A Number of Factors

There would then be the pain that this caused them and these experiences would have set them up to believe that they are worthless. Being treated badly by others is then going to be what feels comfortable at a deeper level.

How one feels in an abusive relationship can be very similar to how they felt when they were a child. The years will have passed but their inner world will be the same, and this is why their outer world will match up with what took place in their past.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Happy Birthday To All Those Born In February

Three Keys To Leading Yourself

“A day spent judging another is a painful day. A day spent judging yourself is a painful day. “

— Buddha

Our feelings are always a gauge. Think about a time when you were judging someone negatively. How did it feel? Maybe you felt it was right to judge. Yet if you checked in with yourself, it probably didn’t feel good emotionally or physically.

How about when you felt judged? Not a good feeling either.

Judgment hurts. And if we dig deeper, who has the right to judge? After all, our judgments are based on our opinions and past experiences. Neither of these is the best yardstick because both are limited to our own minds.

I never like it when I hear or see a friend suffering. It moves me to my core because I know what it’s like to make suffering worse. By blaming ourselves, mentally beating ourselves up. “Shoulding” all over the place.

Be kinder to you. And to the other.  Seek to be more accepting of yourself, others and life. Here’s how.

Don’t Judge You

“Every time you judge yourself you hurt yourself.”

— Paulo Coelho

If there’s one reason to stop judging yourself it’s that it doesn’t feel good. And it’s bad for your body and brain. As I wrote in "Five Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself,” negative self-talk can cause depression and physical and emotional stress. It also harms your heart health and immune system. When you find your inner critic running amok, stop and take a breath. Check the story you’re telling yourself and let it go. Remind yourself of your good qualities and the good you do in life.

Let Others Be

“Be curious, not judgmental.”

— Walt Whitman

We’ve all been on the other side of judgment—being judged. When I feel judged I want to shut down or shut out the person I feel judged by. There are better ways to handle it. Don’t take it personally and stand in the Truth—the only person’s opinion that really matters is yours. And you can choose to neutrally and kindly share your feelings. Often, the other person didn’t mean any harm and wasn’t aware of the effect their words had on you. If it keeps happening, you can decide whether you want this person in your life.

Don’t Judge Life

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

— William Shakespeare

We all view life through our own personal lens. If we have rose-colored glasses on, we’ll see life as rosy. If blue, we’ll see life as blue. We put labels like “good” or “bad” on people and things.

What if we choose to see life as neither good nor bad, right or wrong and just as it is?

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, , Deepak Chopra suggests accepting people, situations, and events as they occur. Take responsibility for your situation without blaming anything or anyone, including yourself. Relinquish the need to defend your point of view. Living this way will lead to more peace of mind and a sense of freedom.

Being non-judgmental takes practice. Notice when judgment arises towards yourself, others and life. See if you can bring some compassion to what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling. Let go of judgment when it doesn’t feel good and when it doesn’t serve your highest self.

Want help bringing non-judgment and compassion into intimacy? Join Intimacy Educator, Kait Scalisi and me for our workshop, Mindful Sex: How to Get Out of Your Head & Enjoy The Moment. Learn More.

How To Shine When You Feel Like Hiding

By Marian Buck Murray

As I write this, it's January, 2018. Time to get back into the swing of work. A new stretch of life beyond the overload of the past year.

Emerging from the bliss of vacation time, the comfort of hibernation, or the avoidance of reality, can feel enormously difficult. I know the struggle all too well. Stepping out of hiding can feel scary.

But, as scary as it is, sooner or later our hiding places get stale, and uncomfortable, and we're presented yet again with the decision to go deeper into hiding, or step out and shine.

    I know the seduction of a comfortable hiding place. I also know the danger of staying too long. I've had to re-emerge into life too many times to count.

The good news is, it can be easier than you think to awaken your spirit from its slumber. Here are the ways I've found to help myself awaken and emerge into a place of shining:

Cleanse Your System - Cleansing your system will help wake up your spirit. Ease off sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and wheat. Drink lots of water, eat plenty of green veggies, and increase your consumption of probiotic foods. Detoxifying sea vegetables, miso, and green tea will help you shift your tastebuds towards healthy food choices. Salt baths will help detoxify your system.

Get Comfortable Feeling Uncomfortable -- Be present with yourself as you move through your day. Notice when and where you have the urge to hide, or avoid something. Instead of hiding, or avoiding, stay with your feelings, or release them, using one of the techniques mentioned below. Keep moving forward. Action will help dispel your discomfort, and increase your courage to stretch even further.

Clear Your Energy -- Use energy tools such as EFT Tapping, Meditation, Heart Breath, Yoga, Qigong, and Reiki, to clear unwanted feelings. Often, we can feel overloaded by other people's needs and negative energy. Combine this with our own stuck emotions, and it can feel impossible to move forward. These energy techniques will help you cleanse and strengthen your energy, making it easier, and more enjoyable to shine.

Ignite your Passion - Read, watch, listen, do, whatever it is that lights you up. Be vigilant about maintaining fuel for your fire. Often, in hiding, we allow our inner flame to become nearly extinguished, making it difficult to emerge. Special attention to your unique creative expression and desire is necessary to re-ignite your passion and inner power.

Use Creative Visualization -- Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breath deeply. Imagine a ball of golden light (or any color you desire) over the top of your head. Allow this light to flow down into and around your body. See the light cleansing and releasing whatever needs to go. Notice that as the light cleanses you, your inherent brilliance begins to emerge. Allow the light to radiate beyond your body, forming a beautiful field of your personal essence all around you. Stay with this visualization as long as you like. Emerge with the sense that you're radiating your inner light.

Step Forward and Shine- Start where you feel safe and encouraged, whatever this means for you. Stretch from there, in the direction that feels best for you. Choose your pace. Choose your style. Just keep moving forward.

We need your light!

In Courage,


I'm a Certified EFT and Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner. I specialize in helping sensitive spirits and heart-centered creatives boost courage, confidence and self-love. For a free EFT Tapping audio, Overcome Your Fear of Shining, visit my website at http://marianbuckmurray.com/. Visit my online store at https://the-sensitive-spirit-shop.myshopify.com/

Man-to-Man: Advice Column

by Wayne M. Levine

3 Steps to Getting Unstuck

Most of us men come to a point in our lives where we find ourselves stuck in our own stuff. It could be in our relationships, our career, or in our spiritual journey. But wherever it is, it’s got us unhappy, frustrated, angry and, often times, not very pleasant to be around. So, how do we get unstuck?

It’s simple. Make commitments, take action, and be held accountable. That’s the essence of the BetterMen process.

The only obstacle between you and becoming the man you want to be is commitment. When we commit to something, we no longer have to struggle with a choice. The choice has already been made. We made it. Life becomes a little more black and white, which is what commitments are all about. The commitment frees us from doubt and allows us to redirect our energies to more positive endeavors, like taking action.

Taking action is the difference between being a man who talks about change, and a man who is committed to change. That action can be grand, or it can be simple. What’s most important is staying in continuous action to achieve the change you’ve committed to in order to become the man, father, husband and leader you want to be.

But doing this work alone and expecting to successfully stay in action, is setting yourself up for failure. Why not set yourself up for success? Enroll the support of other men. Ask to be held accountable to your commitments. Offer your support to these other men who are also engaged in this process of being better men. These trusting relationships you develop can change the course of your life, and the lives of those you love.

Wayne M. Levine, M.A., mentors men to be better men, husbands and fathers. Email your questions to MantoMan@BetterMen.org. See how you can become a better man at www.BetterMen.org. 

©2013 BetterMen®